


Pants!

by ang3lba3



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - just go with it, Coworkers - Freeform, Fluff, Inappropriate Dinner Conversation, M/M, Meet-Cute, Model Alphonse Elric, Model Roy Mustang, NSFW Conversation, Writer Edward Elric, al swears it wasn't a chaperoned blind date up until his wedding toast
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-24
Updated: 2017-08-24
Packaged: 2018-12-19 05:33:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11891082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ang3lba3/pseuds/ang3lba3
Summary: Edward has a deadline, and Al has dinner:FIGHT!Roy/Ed Week 2017, Day 4





	Pants!

**Author's Note:**

> alternate title was You Know What Show They Were Watching, This Is A Direct Callout Post HBO, My Lawyers Will Be In Touch

“Ed!”

“Busy!”

“ED!”

“BUSY, AL!”

“EDWARD ELRIC!”

Ed hit CTRL+S four times, then the save button on the actual program another two times just to be sure, before standing up so hard he toppled his chair over. He stalked into the living room in nothing but his boxers, hair a greasy tangled mess in something that had been a braid about 3 sleeps ago.

Days, after a certain point of caffeine had been ingested, became meaningless in context of describing time meaningfully.

“What the FUCK is so important, you asshole?!” Ed bellowed, hands waving expressively as he yelled for Al.

“Dinner,” Al said cheerfully, tucking his head into the doorway leading to the kitchen and beckoning Ed forward with an oven mitt.

“You’re not gonna leave me alone until I eat it, are you?” Ed said, dropping his head into his hands with a groan. His stomach followed with an even louder one, and he realized that a food break may have been inevitable.

“You know me so well, brother,” Al said, turning back into the kitchen. “And put on some pants.”

“Fuck your pants and fuck the flawed societal norms that demand them!” Ed said, stomping towards the kitchen.

“Oh dear,” he heard Al say softly, just in time for Ed to stop and stare at the person sat at his table.

Person.

At his table.

As in, not-Al-person.

“AL?!” he shouted in alarm, jumping back to cower most of his body behind the doorframe.

“Edward, I told you three times today that Roy was coming over for dinner,” Al said. Edward sputtered a noise of betrayal.

“Ah, you must be the infamous older brother,” Apparently-Roy-who-he’d-known-about said, rising from the table and stepping around to hold out a hand where Ed could reach it.

This was the most surreal moment of his fuckin life.

“…although, not the bigger brother, perhaps,” Roy said, and Ed took his hand with the automail one and crushed it as hard as he dared. Roy didn’t stop smiling as his bones audibly ground together, almost disguising the sound of his teeth grinding together in response.

“Ed,” Al said sharply, and a tray of some kind clattered onto the stove top. Al’s stupid muscled upper body was blocking it. “Pants.”

Ed considered, briefly, having dinner in his underwear just to be contrary. But Roy’s pained smile turned into this disgustingly attractive smirk when Ed stopped squeezing his hand in automatic response to Al’s voice, and when Ed realized he hadn’t let go, Roy traced his fingertips over Ed’s hand in almost caress as Ed pulled away. At Ed’s (repulsed, at least irked) noise, he winked.

Yeah, okay, maybe he did need pants for this.

***

“So you work with Al?” Ed asked, trying his best to shovel the mashed potatoes into his mouth at a mannerly rate. All he really wanted was to go back to his room and finish the chapter, he had another 14k words to go before he could let himself sleep again. This socializing shit was cutting into both work time, shower time, food time, and sleep time.

“I haven’t had the pleasure of sharing a shoot with your brother, no,” Roy said, looking at Ed with clear fascination. It wasn’t quite the same as the ‘my god, where does it all go’ looks he normally got when people saw him eat for the first time, but it was close enough. “We’re simply in the same agency.”

“You’d play well off of each other,” Ed said, eyeing them both critically. Roy didn’t have quite as much muscle mass as his brother, and was a little shorter. “Sun and moon symbolism shit.”

“Maybe we’ll be on the cover of your new book. It would give me an excuse to see you again,” Roy said, with a sincerity Ed suspected was sarcastic. “Your newest novel is about colonies on the moon, Al said?”

Ed shrugged, and put more food in his mouth. “Yeah, sorta. A moon, anyways. But I don’t really want Al to be on my book covers.”

Roy arched an eyebrow. “Unsure of his abilities?”

“Oh, dear,” Al said quietly. It was the fifth time he’d said it since they’d sat down. He had, at one point, been taking part in the conversation, but had casually let himself fade out with the air of someone watching a ping pong match.

A spoonful of jellied cranberries hit Roy in the shoulder as Ed flung his arm out to point at him indignantly. Roy watched it slide down the white cloth with something akin to unsurprised sorrow. Ed couldn’t quite form the words to make an actual argument yet, choking on air as he turned bright red.

“Porn!” he finally yelled. “I write porn, you bastard! I can’t have my little brother model for the cover of erotica I wrote!”

“Erotica,” Roy said flatly.

“Edward writes LGBT scifi and fantasy novels,” Al supplied.

“And they have porn in them!”

“You do realize I’m 22 now, right? I’ve seen more explicit scenes on cable TV.”

“HBO does not count as cable TV, it’s PornHub with better writers.”

“I told you that that episode was just particularly-”

“I’ll just fastforward this, you don’t have to leave, brother! And then you did, and it was more sex! And then you tried again, and even more sex! And then Winry called and-”

“You picked up the phone and just yelled ‘AL MAKE THE VAGINAS STOP’ before hanging up when she was on speaker phone with Granny, yes. I was there, you know.”

Ed made a wordless noise of frustration, and pushed a giant bite of mashed potatoes in his lips to make the conversation stop.

Roy, if he’d ever lost his composure during the squabble, did not show it as he took a sip of his wine. “I assumed it was more hard scifi. You have several doctorates, correct?”

“Mm,” Ed said, nodding, then swallowing. “I can’t be realistic at all, or I go too much and the only one who will be able to understand me is Al, or someone with a set of degrees that match my own. So, yeah, basically Al.”

“You have doctorates?” Roy asked Al.

“No, but I audited his classes. We couldn’t afford babysitting at the time, and the Central University wanted brother to attend more than they minded a ten year old,” Al said with a shrug, as if it’s normal for a ten year old to follow his older brother into—

“Wait, I thought you were only two years apart?” Roy asked, clearly confused.

Ed smirks, and finishes the last piece of chicken on his plate with a triumphant flair. Al just laughs.

The dinner wraps up, and Roy makes his goodbyes, which involve kissing Ed’s hand when he reaches out to shake and then making his getaway while Ed is still frozen in shock.

“That was a fucking terrible idea,” Ed said, once the seething had calmed down enough that he could form sentences again.

“I think you mean to ask what Roy’s number is,” Al started to clear the table, and Ed found himself helping automatically, body flushed with life for the first time in… for the first time since he stopped working in labs, really.

“That is a terrible idea!” Ed exploded, letting the plastic dishes drop in the sink with a clatter. Ceramic had no place in an Elric’s home.

Al hummed, holding out his hand for Ed’s phone.

Ed glared for just a moment longer before dumping it in Al’s palm.

“And I love you,” he admitted grudgingly.

“I know,” Al said, patting Ed’s hand as he pressed the phone back into his brother’s palm.

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this in like half an hour and didn't edit it because i dont care. its so dumb. feel free to let me know if you liked it if not i know its dumb as hell already dont bother telling me


End file.
